A loss.....

First of all I am a new comer to this forum. I don’t know much about this world but I think it is a nice place to share one’s views. Though my English may not have such complexities as most blogger posses nor can I decorate my work with extravagant words that would make my thoughts look a brilliant a piece of literature. I think to expect that from a beginner and an author of plain thoughts as me would be in itself a gross injustice and over expectation. With this I start my first blog ever. I would like to thank you for lending me your precious time.

This is about a relation I have lost once, ever longed for it again and I know it that it will continue to ache in my heart till I breathe my last. There is just one feeling, people give it several names. Worship, care, desire, aspire, behind them all there is one central feeling, one divine and omnipotent feeling, so pure, so pious that we humans with our human limitations find it hard to explain them. So we give it names, names that enable us reach close to the real meaning. One can connect this feeling to anyone, one’s family, friend, god, anyone.

I got this connected to an angel, a sweet friend of mine in schooldays. I feel to describe her would make me use all such adjectives that could suitably be used and still not be enough to satisfy me leave the complete description alone. In one word I would like to call her perfect. All my readers have met their “perfects” somewhere, sometime and they all can comprehend accordingly. She was my “perfect”. Those were the best days when, we played together, share our lunches, share our thoughts on any conceivable topic. After all how big is world in our schooldays? How little do we know about the eternity of devil and limitlessness of the world outside those gates? Though even my best friends don’t know about my feeling for her, still she used to be my world. I believe even reading this blog they would keep guessing the lady but won’t even get a clue. To be true to myself even I did not realized that till the day I lost her. We passed our X th board and in a flick of a time our worlds grew astronomical. Our goals, our friends changed, now even a distance till her home (which though was a bit far from my place but seemed just matter of paces then) became so vast and so estranged by our socio - economical set up that it became unfathomable.

I know my readers would find it hard to believe but it has been seven years since I had even talked to her, but not a single month has passed in which at least once I did not dream of her. And I mean it literally, it is so true. I don’t understand this, maybe I don’t want to. The loneliness that I share with just myself is the essence of the relation that I was once in; and I have started enjoying it. It soothes to remember those golden days, to retrospect and be satisfied with all that I m left with, with my heart aching for some peace, but at the same time I feel this pain to be complementary to me. It has become a part of me, without which I can never be defined, I would not have existed. What importance is one’s life if it does not include its past chapters, well appreciated, and this is after all one of my most important chapter.

It seems even odd to me to guess how strangely am I linked with someone that when her images in my conscious start fading, I get a sweet dream? And the cycle goes on and on. I am only left with one two pictures of her and this dream of hers and I pray god that please do not take them away from me. I know that as is the social set up of our place, it would be impossible to even have a single glance of hers in future. But, still I wish someday I fall upon my knees in front of her, beseech her to be mine, though I know it is impossible and my heart laments the same.

Guys, I m feeling sleepy and it is 2.30 am right now so I leave u all with this and a promise that I will be here again, soon.